I wonder if sometimes God allows us to witness suffering in ways that gently prepare our hearts for letting go when the time comes, offering a sense of peace to ease the pain just a little. As I reflect on those fleeting moments back in January 2011, when I sat by Nick’s side in hospice, I realize now how truly sacred that time was. There was something so profound about the peacefulness in the room, the quiet presence of family and friends, and the unmistakable feeling of God’s hand resting over every single moment.
The calmness of those days is still vivid in my memory—the sound of wind chimes outside the window, their soft tinkling blending with the worship music playing quietly on the radio. It was as if time itself had slowed down, and for that brief chapter, my entire world existed within the four walls of that room. I remember being completely oblivious to the outside world, as if nothing else mattered except what was unfolding in that sacred space. Those days weren’t just about saying goodbye; they were about honoring a life, embracing love, and allowing God to hold us all in His grace.
As the years have passed, I’ve often found myself reflecting back on those moments, and with each reflection, I feel more grateful for the healing that has taken place. The pain of loss hasn’t disappeared, but God has brought so much restoration into my life, and I see it so clearly now. My heart feels the changes, the ways He has gently mended what was broken, and continues to do so even today.
In these years of healing, I’ve made new memories, built new traditions, and found joy again. Yet, through it all, I carry Nick with me in everything I do. His presence is woven into the fabric of my life—there in the laughter, the quiet moments, and the times of reflection. Even as I create new chapters, I honor his memory in a way that brings me comfort and peace. God’s hand continues to guide me, just as it did during those final days, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
I’m not sure where you currently are on your caregiving or grief journey—whether you’re just beginning, somewhere in the middle, or nearing the end of a challenging chapter. Wherever you find yourself, know that each step you take is significant, and the path you walk is one of courage, resilience, and deep emotion. Your journey is unique, and it unfolds at its own pace, shaped by the love, memories, and experiences that define your story.
